Anger management: Wolverine’s dark past catches up to him in “X-Men Origins”
Feeling frustrated?
Here’s Wolverine’s handy five-step guide to venting, courtesy of Ol’ Snickety himself.
- Find a clean, even, well-lit surface.
- Drop to your knees.
- Tilt your head back.
- Unleash your rage at the heavens with a roar that seems rent from the very depths of your vengeful soul.
- Prolong roar as long as possible. (It may be appropriate at this point to scream the name of your dead loved one and/or sworn enemy.)
There. Doesn’t that feel better?
In “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” the title mutant discovers a far more effective form of anger management than merely punching pillows. It involves fists. And adamantium claws.
Directed by Gavin Hood, “Origins” examines the dark past of one of Marvel’s most beloved characters, as well as the tough-talkin’, cigar-chompin’ superhero’s lifelong quest for vengeance.
The film kicks off with a lightning-quick summary of Wolverine’s roots, starting with the childhood slaughter of his father by a vengeful servant who just happens to be his biological dad.
Half-brothers James Howlett and Victor Creed, who share a heritage of razor sharp claws, delayed aging and amazing healing abilities, are forced to flee. Through the decades, they fight side-by-side as soldiers of fortune — in the Civil War, World War I, World War II and, eventually, in Vietnam, where Victor’s growing lust for death and destruction lands the brothers in front of a firing squad.
Miraculously, James (Hugh Jackman) and Logan (Liev Schreiber) survive — and capture the attention of Colonel William Stryker (Danny Huston). He offers the brothers membership in Team X, an elite squad of mutants involved in covert military operations.
There’s strongman Fred Dukes (Kevin Durand) and marksman Agent Zero (Daniel Henny). Kestrel (will.i.am) can teleport. Bolt (Dominic Monaghan) can control electricity with his mind. And then there’s motermouth mercenary Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds), the future Deadpool, whose weapons include strength, agility, katana swords and a ready arsenal of one-liners.
The team’s first mission — to retrieve a meteorite owned by a Nigerian diamond smuggler — goes swimmingly. But the aftermath turns ugly as Stryker and his squad interrogate villagers the old-fashioned way. With blades and bullets.
Disgusted by the savagery of his fellow teammates, Wolverine storms off.
Six years later, he’s built a new life in the Canadian Rockies, working as a lumberjack and living in a mountain cabin with gorgeous girlfriend Kayla Silver Fox (Lynn Collins). Judging from the stunning views, he’s clearly captured the best bit of real estate in North America.
Then trouble shows up in the form of William Stryker. Victor is out of control, he says. And he needs our hero’s help.
What follows are the events first hinted at in the “X-Men” trilogy.
Wolverine opts to join Stryker’s ultra-secret Weapon X program and undergoes a painful procedure in which his skeleton is bonded with adamantium, the strongest metal alloy known to man. He escapes, and goes on a massive, magnificent killing spree — complete with crashing helicopters, gun battles and an exploding barn.
It’s good, juicy fun.
Half the excitement is watching Wolverine spar with Victor (aka Sabretooth), a cruel, manipulative mutant who toys with his half-brother like a cat with a mouse.
Liev Schreiber clearly relishes playing a man who bounds up buildings like Tigger and slashes faces with his fingernails. He practically purrs his lines.
Hugh Jackman, for his part, spends most of the movie sharpening his claws or screaming at the sky — his tan, much-muscled frame either nude, shirtless or clad in a torn white wife-beater. Meow!
Yet, for all its angst and explosions, “Wolverine” falls rather short on film basics. The dialogue is laughable. The acting, uneven. And the thin plot leaves plenty to be desired.
Let’s face it, folks. You’re watching a movie about a man who slices his foes with foot-long Ginsu knives. A man named after a giant weasel. This ain’t Shakespeare. This is “Wolverine.”
What will rankle comic book fans, however, is how loosely Hood and company play with the Marvel mythos.
At times, “Wolverine” feels less like an origins story and more like a game of “Spot the Mutant.” Look, there’s Cyclops cutting a high school in half with his laser eyes! Hey, isn’t that Gambit? Why, it’s the human disco ball, Miss Emma Frost!
Little time is wasted introducing these characters to the viewer. or even explaining their presence. They simply show up, show off and leave. Quickly.
It’s a disappointing approach to a franchise that shows every promise of producing a slew of “X-Men” flicks. With movies dedicated to Gambit and Deadpool already in the works, and a “Wolverine” sequel under discussion, one hopes the powers-that-be will treat Marvel’s superheros with a little more respect.
After all, you don’t want to get Wolverine angry.
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Images courtesy of MovieWeb.com and XMenFilms.net.
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This movie’s existence makes Wolverine and Sabertooth’s fight on the Statue of Liberty in the first X-Men awful anti-climactic in retrospect.
Wolverine stole that anger management technique from me; just ask anyone in the newsroom.
I realize you think this is a dud, SL, and I don’t much like Jackman, but I might check it out anyway just to see the excellent Schreiber and Huston. Has anyone other than me noticed that Danny H. can be almost as menacing as his old man (think “Chinatown”)?
By the way, I think I got an e-mail about that diamond from some guy in Nigeria. I sent him a check.
Wow, I never put two and two together before but you’re right, Bob — Danny Huston is the son of distinguished director/actor John Huston and the grandson of Walter Huston. He’s also Anjelica Huston’s half-brother.
Wow! Quite a pedigree!
Schreiber and Huston are both fine actors, but I have to say they’re not exactly stretching themselves in “Wolverine.”