Monthly Archives: August 2008
Today, it's Judgment Day
“Three billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war ‘Judgment Day.’” — Sarah Connor That’s right, “Terminator 2” fans. Today is the 11th anniversary of Judgment Day, when Skynet — the all-powerful computer in charge of Earth’s strategic defense system — became self-aware. (To be precise, […]
I'm Gonna Be So Rich
My plan: Make “MST3K” track, make millions As a hardcore “Mystery Science Theater 3000” fan, I’ve always wanted to create my own commentaries. Don’t get me wrong — I loooove it when Mike, Joel and the ‘bots riff on terrible science fiction flicks and mind-melting B-movies.But I’ve always wondered to myself, “How hard could it […]
Donnie's dark visions
“Donnie Darko” is, well, dark You might describe “Donnie Darko” as an anthem for the maladjusted. Like the goths, punks and emo kids who love the movie, Donnie (Jake Gyllenhaal in a star-making role) is a teenager battling real and imaginary demons — including a giant bunny named Frank. In school, he argues with his […]
"Death Race" remake needs more racing, death
“Death Race” is boring. In fact, compared to “Death Race 2000” — which starred David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone as two of the baddest bastards to chew pavement — it’s downright dull. Instead of a coast-to-coast race across America, the schlubs in “Death Race” are competing on a closed course. Instead of a fearsome hero […]
A cure for the Harry Potter blues
Harry Potter, original badass Remember my disappointment about “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince?” I think I’ve found a way to beat those my-favorite-movie-won’t-come-out-til-next-year doldrums. It’s called “Wizard People, Dear Reader.” To quote the YouTube blurb: “‘Wizard People, Dear Reader’ is an unauthorized re-envisioning of ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,’ by Brad Neely. After […]
Summer's last gasp
Movies under the moon With Labor Day around the corner and fall almost upon us, the summer entertainment calendar is winding down. Before you pack away your camp chairs and beach blankets, here are three final opportunities to enjoy movies in the great outdoors. Enjoy! *** What better place to watch “Young Frankenstein” than an […]
Harry Potter and the Mammoth Disappointment
Bad news for Harry Potter fans: “Half-Blood Prince” is being pushed back Say it ain’t so, Warner Bros. When the studio announced earlier this week that it was pushing the release date for “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” from Nov. 21 to July 17, 2009, I was one of millions of fans who breathed […]
Magical movies to sweep you off your feet
Prepare to be “Spirited Away” Hayao Miyazaki could easily be considered the godfather of modern Japanese animation. Time and time again, he’s turned out magical, awe-inspiring movies, pairing peerless animation techniques with charming stories and fascinating characters. “Spirited Away.” one of his finest, follows a young girl through a land of gods, demons and witches […]
Stephen Colbert knows my name!
Looks like I have a fan in television pundit Stephen Colbert. Colbert, host of Comedy Central’s wildly popular “The Colbert Report,” mentioned my name last week in reference to Canton, South Dakota. Colbert apologized for calling Canton “America’s real assburg” and “North Dakota’s dirty ashtray.” He also read from an article by The Argus Leader […]
"Tropic Thunder" will rock you
Yes, that really is Robert Downey Jr. I’ll admit it. I chuckled when Robert Downey Jr. launched into his speech about “Rain Man,” “Forrest Gump” and other tearjerkers about “simple folk” in “Tropic Thunder”. Okay, I actually laughed out loud. “Tropic Thunder” has everything we’ve grown to expect from 21st century comedy — racial stereotypes, […]
She Likes to Watch 